Friday, September 7, 2012
'This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store' AK Turner
Reviewed by Lindsey
5 ++++ stars
'This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attache-carrying Secret Agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child… and in-laws.' (Amazon Description)
I have openly shared my title of Worst Mom in the World. Sometimes I accept it; other times the guilt is suffocating. However, as I approach my 39th birthday, frankly, I embrace it. Somehow, I manage to have three fairly decent, non meth addicted children. We are in the dreaded teen years. Some choose to approach this time with hope and excitement. I continue to approach with pessimism and dread. Sure, they are great now, but what will happen next year?
So I am not one for memoirs. The cover, which is great caught my eye.
When a chapter begins with, "Like all new moms, I had a baby and decided that I should smoke pot for the first time", well, how could I not love this? Pure poetry!
Throughout the book, the author is candid and hysterical. I too have attempted (and failed) perfect Mom-dom. I joined that hideous Mom and Tots or whatever that cult was in hopes of finding the one other young mum like me. Never happened. Instead, I had my head filled by competitive mums about all my wrong doings. I found out that allowing my infant to pass out in my bed after the hundredth feeding of the evening meant I was securing her a life in insecurity, drug use and probably into the arms of an abusive partner.
I was a wreck. My husband was sick of hearing how we were either poisoning our daughter with toxic shampoos that would ensure blindness by age 4 or how that bite of ice cream would now cause her kidneys to overwork.
In most first pregnancies, parents somehow believe that their to-be child will be so superior over an out of utero nit wit, there is a level of arrogance that no Mean Girl can match.
Exhibit A: This is conversation between AK and her husband Mike regarding pets.
AK: "But what about our kids? They're going to want a pet at some point."
MIKE: "Fine, we'll give them invisible pets."
AK: "Our kids are going to be gifted, so of course they'll never buy it."
MIKE: "You're right."
I loved this book for its honesty, foul language, frustration with kids, marriage, family and liquor consumption.
This is the book you give to friends who have kids. If they are uptight, maybe this will help them relax. If they're pregnant for the first time-avoid them like the plague.
Give them five years then you can buy a copy for the failures.
Grab a bottle of wine (or two) and start reading!